A Better Mousetrap

The old expression, "Build a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to your door," isn't true.

I discovered this recently when I unwittingly caught three mice at the barn without even trying. Their deaths were (I hope) quick and relatively painless (compared to traditional slap traps), and the process cost no money or time. Yet, no one noticed (except the mice).

So, I'm going to tell the world about my new "invention," and see what happens. Here's how to build the perfect mousetrap, in a dozen easy steps:

Step 1: Erect a barn in an area where mice live.
Step 2: Make sure that area gets plenty of cold weather, enough to freeze over a trough full of water with at least an inch of ice daily (sometimes, hourly).
Step 3: Wait for mice to get thirsty.
Step 4: Be late for work one morning.
Step 5: Be in a hurry to get fresh water for animals, and grab dead-blow hammer to break layer of ice on top of trough.
Step 6: Raise hammer, but stop in mid-blow to wonder what those three dark spots at the edges of the ice are.
Step 7: Put face VERY close to ice, because barn lights don't shine on trough.
Step 8: Recoil in horror at sight of tiny little mouse-sicles trapped half in and half out of ice.
Step 9: Regain composure, and tap tops of little mice to see if they could possibly still be alive.
Step 10: Feel sadness, yet relief, that all three are already in Mouse Heaven, and that all you have to do is break the ice, scoop them out with your handy-dandy strainer, and dispose of them on the manure pile.
Step 11: Wonder (briefly) if animals will notice a funny taste in their water, but realize you have no other water to give them; tell them it's a new flavor.
Step 12: Try to explain to boss ~ without laughing or crying ~ why you're late.

Painless (except on the part of the mice), free and simple ~ what better mousetrap could the world want? NPR, I'm available for interviews at any time!